Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead rankings!
Every week Jesse and I provide rankings based on who we thought will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. We give ourselves points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then Kevin will have six points and Jesse will have two points.
TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
Last week fan favorite Glenn and fan unfavorite Nicholas met their gruesome deaths. Yay for our power rankings but boo for feel good television. Kevin at Glenn at 6 and Nicholas at 16. Jesse had Glenn at 7 and Nicholas at 19. Jesse leads 26 to 22.
This week Kevin wonders if Carl will make a move on Maggie and picks a new fan favorite to swoon over. Meanwhile, Jesse returns after a one-week hiatus and contemplates whether it would have been better to just stay away from this show for good.
Season Score: Jesse 26 Kevin 22
- Judith- I have some bad news for Judith. It’s beginning to look like you are on your own. Now that Glenn is gone it is very unlikely you will have some baby cousins.
- Daryl- He grunted into the radio, grunted at Sasha, drove off on his own, grunted some more and then rejoined the world’s slowest parade. And yet he somehow moved up in fan favorite rankings. Mostly because Glenn doesn’t exist anymore.
- Carl- Hey Carl, this might be a bad time but I hear that Maggie is single now. Probably not ready to mingle but hey, just keep your head up.
- Morgan- Looks like this week’s episode is Morgan heavy. Which is good because we need to start developing this bloated cast of characters. Or kill them off. Either way.
- Maggie- Listen I have no clue why you weren’t around for Glenn’s death. It was heartbreaking enough watching Glenn die a pointless death after hanging on for so long. I always imagined Glenn would meet his end by saving Maggie’s life or vice versa. Nope. He died on a trashcan because of an asshole. I guess they wanted to show how cruel this world really is.
- Rick- Classic Rick episode. He broke the group off, ran a lot and killed complete strangers. You keep doing you Rick.
- Carol- I don’t care what the fangirls say about Daryl. You are my favorite character now. Let’s hope your eventually end is a bit more meaningful.
- Jessie- You seem like a smart woman. And I hope you are around for a while. But with those two kids of yours, I highly doubt it.
- Rosita- No joke, I thought the random girl that twisted her ankle was Rosita for like 20 minutes of the episode.
- Eugene- Remember when you had a purpose in this show? And then your purpose ended up being bullshit. And now we are here. Where you provide comic relief with hair jokes. Oh man, why do we still watch this show?
- Denise- I am instantly regretting including you on these rankings. I just know that Jesse is going to ask me who you are for the next few weeks.
- Michonne- I thought this was the end for you Michonne. I thought you were going to die dragging people to safety. I thought you would go out a quiet hero and that Heath would live with your legacy in mind. But I was wrong. Instead we lost Glenn and no one has a clue.
- Abraham- Seriously, this dude is riding shotgun in a car for three episodes now.
- Tara- I was going to spend a lot of time bitching about how unfair it is that Tara is alive and Glenn is dead. I was going to compare it to how unfair it is that Skip Bayless has a job still and most of Grantland doesn’t. But I won’t because, much like Tara, it is a waste of my time.
- Enid- Yo Enid, don’t look now but I think Carl might be making a move on Maggie.
- Aaron/Eric- I remember thinking that Aaron was a poor man’s Glenn. Going out to look for people and supplies ya know? Well now he is our new Glenn officially. And it sucks.
- Sasha- You wanted to play offense and do something for so long. And now you are driving a car slowly. And you’re happy? What do you have to say about that Jeremy Collins of Survivor fame?
- Father Gabriel- Look, you have a great worried face. You do so well expressing your fear nonverbally. But damn, do something or get out. Preferably get out.
- Heath- Listen man, I know you don’t want to leave people behind but come on. You should know by now that it’s just not worth it. Especially when a girl can’t walk through a twisted ankle. She isn’t even trying!
- Deanna- I bet you’ll spend another episode quietly looking into the distance. Yay…
RIP Glenn- Honestly this week has been rough as far as entertainment goes. We lost Grantland which was a big part of my life the last 5 years. And now we lost Glenn who has been on our TV for the last 5 years. So I’m not too happy. I wish your death had been more meaningful. I wish it had at least happened on a mid season break episode or a season ending episode. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. As far as I can figure the writers wanted to keep us on edge. And they wanted some harsh poetic justice for Glenn. Because Glenn might still be here today had he not saved Nicholas’ life so many times. Then again, I get angry because I cannot figure out why Glenn was relying on Nicholas so much. Every time they turned a corner Glenn was looking to Nicholas to see where to go next. I know that Nicholas knew the area better but Glenn had survived for so long because of his quick thinking ability. I don’t know. The show has gotten better but this death hurt. And maybe that was the point?
RIP Nicholas- To quote Jesse, “Who?”.
- Judith – So, you may think it’s amazing that people have put up with this show long enough for it to get six seasons, but you know what’s going to be really amazing? When Judith takes over as the lead character in season 25 of the Walking Dead! Because you know this is never going to end.
- Rick – I’ll admit, things aren’t looking good for you right now, but you and Daryl are the only men left from the original group. I just don’t think they’re going to shorten that number any more this season.
- Daryl – There has been a notable lack of Daryl doing anything other than riding around on his bike. I don’t recall him killing any walkers, which is what he does best. I haven’t seen this sort of mismanagement since Jack Del Rio refused to let Chris Harris cover T.Y. Hilton.
John ConnorCarl – The long-awaited culmination of Carl’s teenage romance is on hold. Again. Because reasons.
- Morgan – Love that people are complaining about a Morgan-centric episode when before those same people were banging the drum to get Morgan in more episodes. Personally, I’m stoked. Anything to make me forget last week’s bullshit.
- Maggie – I can’t even… I mean… this is just going to suck. No way around it. The first couple of the apocalypse weren’t even together when one of them bit the dust. Bad writing + a depressing death = one bummed out Jesse.
- Carol – You always manage to find ways to increase your level of badassery, Carol. I don’t care how you do it, but don’t ever change.
- Abraham – I know I have beaten this Abraham/Sheamus joke to death already, but I find it pretty amusing how similar their current situations are. Sheamus is barely being used on Raw and Abe has literally been in the same position all season. Crazy.
- Michonne – She’s going to be really depressed when she finds out that everything she told Heath came true again.
- Jessie – I’m not going to lie, I hate your kids.
- Denise – Have no clue who this is. Will you ask Kevin for me?
- Enid – I get that this is a gory show and I don’t often feel queasy, but when Enid was snacking on that poor turtle? Yuck.
- Rosita – You would seriously die for Abraham? The guy who barely talks to you and is currently eyeballing Sasha? You need to raise your standards, honey.
- Aaron/Eric – Yeah, it took me a second to remember who Aaron was. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?
- Eugene – You know who I would rather still have on the show than you? Glenn. You know, someone who is interesting and does things.
- Sasha – Reason no. 76 that this show is extremely taxing to watch: there is no consistency with the characters. Take Sasha. She became this intense wildcard who was all about being violent and taking chances, and now she’s just good with leading the world’s slowest zombie crawl.
- Tara – Glenn is no more but we still get stuck with you every week. I hate everything.
- Heath – He’s already really depressed and he doesn’t even know that everything Michonne said has come true again.
- Deanna – Real riveting stuff watching you sit in a truck while you waited to see whether your people would survive that attack or not. I don’t really need the sarcasm font for that, do I?
- Father Gabriel – I can’t tell if you are trying to get closer to Carl so you can screw the group over or if your offer to help was genuine. Then again, you don’t even like holding a gun so how dangerous could you be, right?
RIP Glenn – Sorry man. I wish that this show gave you a better sendoff. I wish your death wasn’t as lame as (spoiler alert for anyone who still hasn’t seen Star Wars) Boba Fett’s in Return of the Jedi. I wish that the writers believed in building toward huge moments season after season that honor the way characters have been developed and deliver a satisfying payoff and some closure. But alas, wishes are for fairy tales. I really wonder if I would’ve been better off not watching these last two episodes, because all they did was make me lose faith in the direction of this show. Respect, Glenn. You will be missed.
RIP Nicholas – Fuck you. That is all.