Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead rankings!
Every week Jesse and Kevin provide rankings based on who we think will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. We give ourselves points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then Kevin will have five points and Jesse will have two points.
TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
Last week we were gifted with a wonderful new character named Eastman and then abruptly robbed of him. Other than that, no new deaths.
This week Kevin pitches better spin-offs than Fear the Walking Dead. Meanwhile, Jesse decides which characters are deserving of their own standalone episode.
Season Score: Jesse 26 Kevin 22
- Judith- Your new babysitter Morgan has PTSD, so don’t cry too loud or anything alright?
- Daryl- Sometimes I wish that Daryl had set off on his own path that turned into its own spin-off show. But then I remember the time he and Beth were on their own for a few episodes. And then I remember there was moonshine and strange sexual tension between Daryl and a high schooler. And I realize we are probably better off with Fear the Walking Dead after all.
- Morgan- Man, that episode was a loooong time coming am I right? I’m pretty sure we have been waiting for that since Obama got re-elected. I don’t know if that’s true or not but still, it has been a while. Was it worth the wait? It was a damn good episode and it killed me to see Eastman die so easily. I say yes, it was worth the wait and I would recommend this episode to anyone, whether they are a Dead fan or not. In fact, I tried to get my wife to watch it but she just looked at me like how everyone just looks at Eugene.
- Maggie- Looks like you are on the hunt next episode. But for who? The random walker that killed your husband? Are you going to find the walker, put him in a cell and starve him to death? Because Morgan might know a place you can do that…
- Rick- This marks the second episode that has been Rick-less. That would be a tragedy for my new favorite animated show Rick and Morty. But for this show, it’s refreshing.
- Carol- Sometime I wish that Carol had set off on her own path that turned into its own spin-off show. But then I remember the time she did set off on her own path and she ended up saving everyone’s asses with a rocket launcher. And I realize that we got screwed with Fear the Walking Dead after all.
- Carl- We only saw three characters this last episode so it is difficult to do these rankings. But Carl looks pretty important next week. So he drops in the rankings.
- Rosita- Sometimes I wish that the three amigos (Rosita, Eugene and Abe) had never got tangled up with Rick and Co and went on their own path that turned into its own spin-off show. And then I remember that we got Fear the Walking Dead and I just get plain sad.
- Eugene- I wonder what wacky hair joke he will make this week!
- Denise- I gotta turn this around on Jesse before he does it to me. Jesse, who is Denise again?
- Michonne- Hey Michonne, I hoped you grabbed some peanut butter protein bars for Morgan while you were out. Because I’ve seen this guy when he’s angry.
- Abraham- Next week on The Walking Dead, the world’s slowest car chase continues.
- Tara- Yo Tara, I know that Carl has called dibs on Maggie now that Glenn is dead but you should take a shot too. Why not? People get weird when they’re grieving.
- Enid- Is Enid gone? Is she coming back? Does she matter to this show? Tune in in 3 seasons to find out.
- Aaron/Eric- I am still calling Aaron ‘New Glenn’ because of his similar scavenging abilities but I am not happy about it.
- Sasha- The most danger that Sasha is in right now is the threat of falling asleep behind the wheel.
- Father Gabriel- Alright Man of Faith, either build a church or die sacrificing yourself so we can move on.
- Heath- I hope your last name is Bar. That would make you far for fascinating that you have been.
- Jessie- You are taking a deep drop in my rankings due to next week’s preview. I’m proud of you stepping up to be a badass but for most blondes in this show being a badass doesn’t work. Right Andrea? And Andrea’s…sister?
- Deanna- Hey Deanna, it’s an election year, has anyone told you? You might want to do something…
- Judith – Have we ever gotten an episode that just focuses on Judith? Just her doing baby things for 60 minutes. Drooling, crying, pooping, eating, giggling, all of it. Can’t be any worse than some of the episodes we’ve gotten that have focused on other characters (though last week’s was pretty great).
- Rick – Kevin sent me a gif of happy Rick this week. And now it’s all I can think of whenever Rick comes up. Thanks a lot, Kevin.
- Daryl – I see you Walking Dead. You guys are using Daryl less and less so that when you eventually kill him off, people won’t be as upset. It’s a bold move. We’ll see if it pans out.
John ConnorCarl – Hear me out Carl. With Enid gone and Maggie right behind her, your options for your romance are dwindling. But maybe your teenage romance just isn’t supposed to be with a girl. Think about it man.
- Morgan – Loved, loved, loved last week’s episode. Didn’t get to see Donatello teaching Morgan how to use that staff, but Eastman was a good substitute. This is how you make compelling television folks. Give us smart writing with characters that are motivated and driven by things that make sense. I was sorry that Eastman died, but it wasn’t entirely unexpected. And while I think Morgan’s quest to not kill anyone and try to bring people over to his line of thinking is too tall of an order in this wasteland of zombies and lunatics, I at least understand why he’s trying to do it. And why he is all zen now when before he was all crazy. Great stuff.
- Maggie – Damn it Maggie, who is your political adviser? Alexandria is under siege. People are being slaughtered left and right. What is Deanna doing to protect them? Why did she allow this to happen? You should be taking advantage of this.
- Carol – Kevin has also sent me a gif of Carol crying, only he’s done it about 47 times now. When Carol comes up now, I just imagine her crying. I swear, if Kevin ruins Carol for me…
- Abraham – Seth Rollins, the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, blew out his knee last week and had to vacate the title. You know who isn’t in line to be the next champion? Sheamus! The parallels between that guy and Abraham continue to be eerily similar. Two guys doin’ a whole lot of nothin’.
- Michonne – *Sigh* I have nothing for you. Sorry.
- Jessie – Looks like we’re going to be seeing a lot more of you in the next episode. Just keep your kids off the camera, okay?
- Denise – How does Kevin not know who Denise is? Only a moron would be that clueless.
- Enid – I reckon you have a larger role to play in the future of the show. I’m also willing to bet we aren’t going to find out what that is for quite some time. Kevin was only half-kidding when he said it will take 3 seasons.
- Rosita – There was a time when it was fun to call you Lara Croft and joke about how you were just the eye candy of the show. Then you started dressing normal and took that away from us, but didn’t provide any new fodder for material. Come on, Rosita. Help us help you.
- Aaron/Eric – I feel like it’s an insult to Aaron to rank Eric here too, because we never see Eric. Like never. He’s weighing you down, man.
- Eugene – This guy has to be some producer’s brother or distant nephew. How else is he still around?
- Sasha – I was going to write about how I was upset that Sasha is still in a car. But then I remembered that I’ve never cared much what Sasha was doing or why, so why start now? My bad, it’s been a long week.
- Tara – We got three standalone episodes with you, or something like that. If it was more than zero it was way too many.
- Heath – A standalone episode with Heath and Michonne is coming. I just know it.
- Deanna – With Maggie distracted, I believe you are running unopposed. Life as a politician is good in the zombie apocalypse.
- Father Gabriel – How about just one episode where we get to watch Father Gabriel learn how to use a gun? The potential hilarity is already making me smile.