Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead rankings!
Every week Jesse and Kevin provide rankings based on who we think will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. We give ourselves points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then Kevin will have four points and Jesse will have two points.
TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
Last week, no one died. Not even that random guy in the hospital being treated by Gray’s Anatomy.
This week Kevin shows off his Latin skills and somehow fits in references to Twilight, A Beautiful Mind and The Avengers Age of Ultron. Meanwhile, Jesse has a bold proposal and races to finish his half before the new episode starts. Will he make it?!!!!
Season Score: Jesse 26 Kevin 22
- Judith- Great news little one! You will soon have a new cousin! Because what’s better than one boring baby that does nothing. Two boring babies that do nothing!
- Daryl- I dropped Sasha and Abraham in my rankings these week because it looks like next week features you three. I didn’t drop you Daryl, because they already “killed” off one fan favorite this season and I doubt they will look to do it again so soon.
- Maggie- Hey Prego! I moved you up in the rankings because you have a great plot device brewing in your belly! Hopefully your survive this ordeal and not go the Lori route. I was pretty pissed they killed your husband without you around. I was further pissed that his name was written on the wall when no one knew for sure that he was dead. But now I am sensing that Glenn isn’t really dead because why else would they stretch this plot out? Then again, they could be showing us that the most painful part of his death is that Maggie will never know for sure. That seems especially cruel. Besides all of that I’m not sure I will be happy if Glenn is still alive. Sure, I love Glenn and would welcome him back but it seems like a cheap trick. Like a character waking up from a bad dream. Or a post-death reveal that a character’s wife is pregnant with his child. What a mess.
- Rick- Damn Rick. How long has it been since you killed Jessie’s husband? Three weeks? I mean at least you listened to the age-old dating rule of waiting three weeks after you killed a girl’s husband to make a move on her. Must’ve learned that move from Shane.
- Carol- Guess what. Carol wasn’t in this episode. But she was name dropped like she was Thor’s or Iron Man’s girl in the Age of Ultron. Does that mean Carol is too expensive to use?
- Rosita- Wait, you’re at six on my rankings? How the hell did this happen? This has to be a mistake right? Or are you so forgettable that you have settled in?
- Eugene- Bro, I am so sorry. I was shipping you and Denise hard. Maybe you’ll finally understand my hatred of Tara now. She literally ruins everything.
- Denise- A mystery ailment has fallen on a patient. Denise must find the cure despite being unqualified for her position. She trudges through book after book until, finally, an answer! Just as the patient is coding her magic cure saves his life. She goes home to kiss her girlfriend. This is why I don’t watch doctor shows. They are all the same.
- Michonne- You were in the beginning! Whispering to Maggie that you might’ve, accidentally lost her husband. Good show Michonne. Now go enjoy your peanut butter bar.
- Tara- What the hell girl? You were suppose to target Maggie! Not Eugene’s girl. When is Eugene ever going to get another shot? And now you know he’s going to watch you and Denise go at it. Hey don’t call me a perv. That was an actual plot point with him, Abe and Rosita a few seasons ago, I swear!
- Morgan- You were in this episode! You helped Rick back into the gate. And then disappeared. I hope you and Carol are off together. Bickering over guns and sticks. Yes I am still shipping these two.
- Heath- I added you to this list because I thought you would have a quick impact or a quick death. Now I have to consider adding Jessie’s oldest kid and Spencer on this list. But I won’t because of characters like you!
- Jessie- I can’t decide my favorite random moment from Jessie this week. A) She sighs at the dead body in her hallway like its a normal chore. B) She commits the most gentle zombie kill of all time by poking it in the eye, slowly. C) She sees a crowd has gathered for her kill and decides, “This is it, this is my moment to give a speech.” or D) She makes out with the man who murdered her husband.
- Father Gabriel- Hey he wasn’t in this episode and no one name dropped him. Are we pretending he doesn’t exist? Good, because I have been doing that for weeks now.
- Enid- She is missing and only the hormonal teenagers care. And there is a love triangle. This is like Twilight except with zombies.
- Carl- I think it’s weird that Carl is such a bad fighter despite surviving this long. He should’ve kicked Ron’s ass. Also I think it’s weird that Ron had a sudden change of heart towards Rick. And I find it even weirder that he wants to learn to shoot a gun. Ron gives me the creeps and I fear he could take his emotions out on Carl which is why Carl has dropped so far this week. Watch your back kid.
- Aaron- I took Eric off of Aaron because Aaron is obviously the star here. I want to thank Aaron. This last episode he just stood there and answered a bunch of questions for the audience. It was like that episode in Lost when Michael came back and answered a bunch of random shit that had been bugging us for years. Aaron made it cleat that the quarry broke open and that Rick’s plan was the best plan. And he made it clear that it was he, Aaron, that accidentally leaked their location to the Wolves. Also he was the guiding hand for Maggie through her grief. I’m sure Glenn appreciated that. Although I don’t think Glenn would appreciate Aaron naming his kid.
- Deanna- She climbs a ladder. Walks away from the meeting. Smiles at Spencer. Stares at wedding ring. And then suddenly has some sort of Beautiful Mind moment with some blueprints and is writing ‘Dolor hic tibi proderit olim’ like she writes latin everyday of her life. By the way it means, ‘Someday this pain will be useful to you’. Which is a good way to describe how I feel about watching this show.
- Sasha- Next week we get the thrilling conclusion of ‘Life in the Slow Lane’ staring Sasha and Abraham.
- Abraham- I imagine one of the three of you will die in the inevitable slow motion car crash you are about to endure. For some reason I think it will be you.
- Judith – I’m not letting go of the potential standalone episode for Judith. Now there could possibly be another baby to throw into the mix? Perfect. The more the merrier.
- Rick – Shane may be dead, but Rick is doing everything he can to keep his spirit alive. Discarding people who are of little use and will only hurt the group? You bet. Not trusting anyone? Of course. Making a move on the widow of a deceased man, especially if you had a hand in killing the guy? Damn straight.
- Daryl – Walking Dead characters are more like a pitching rotation than an actual TV show cast. Haven’t used Daryl for a few episodes? Must be his turn to star then. And this was a terrible idea by the Rockies, but can we use a four-person rotation for Dead? Daryl, Carol, Morgan, Rick or Michonne. I can only handle so much Rick and so much Michonne, so yeah. Four-person rotation.
John ConnorCarl – Ronda Rousey put up a better fight last night than you did against Spencer, Carl. You’re the savior of the human race. GET IT TOGETHER!!!
- Morgan – It was inevitable that Morgan was headed for the bunch after carrying last week’s episode. They should start bringing you out of the bullpen when you don’t start, like the Giants did with Madison Bumgarner.
- Maggie – The fact that Maggie is pregnant is probably the saddest and most eye-rolling thing I’ve seen on this show all season. And that’s saying something, because I spend a lot of time depressed and rolling my eyes because I watch this show.
- Carol – Keep your arm warm, Carol. You’re next up after Daryl.
- Abraham – As far as I know, Sheamus is still in the WWE World Heavyweight Championship tournament, but I haven’t watched Monday Night Raw in a couple weeks. And I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure Abraham is still cracking wise and riding shotgun. Both of these have lasted much longer than they should have.
- Michonne – Sorry Michonne, it was Rick’s turn to take the spotlight. And no one cares about Heath, so that’s working against you right now.
- Jessie – Out of all the new people this show is trying to make us care about, Jessie is easily my favorite. No, it’s not because our names are extremely similar. Stop that.
- Denise – Congrats! You won the Tara sweepstakes! Wait, who are you again?
- Enid – In lieu of trying to think of something better, I’m just going to tip my cap to Kevin for that Twilight reference. Well done sir.
- Rosita – I tried to do a proper analysis for why Rosita is still around, but it was so boring that I quickly lost interest and wound up dozing off on my couch. Anytime I need some sleep, I know exactly what to do now.
- Aaron/Eric – I’m not going to lie, I had to think really hard to remember Aaron losing his pack and those other guys finding it. Don’t feel bad, Aaron, I had to think really hard to remember what I had for breakfast this morning (blueberry yogurt and a donut… no wait, a cinnamon roll!)
- Eugene – The Jar Jar Binks of the Walking Dead is still alive and well. Yep, I am resorting to Jar Jar references. He is that intolerable.
- Sasha – As I write this, time is running out before the next episode. Meanwhile, Sasha’s car has been running for weeks now and still has gas. Maybe it’s a hybrid?
- Tara – You finally found someone to love you! I’m trying really hard to feign excitement over this. How am I doing?
- Heath – This show has done away with it’s tendency to always have a token black guy in the cast and has instead adopted a policy that there needs to be several of them in the group at the same time. I guess this makes it harder to figure out who is going to die first. Really it just annoys the hell out of me.
- Deanna – I can’t handle much more of Deanna wandering around and acting all sullen and staring off into the distance. It is boring me to tears.
- Father Gabriel – Either you are killing yourself trying to become an adequate marksman or Carl put you down and didn’t tell anybody. Either of these are okay with me.