Power Ranking Ramblings: Week 6

It was hard to get excited about football after that pathetic showing on Thursday, but after going through the power rankings and reading about other teams’ misfortunes, we remembered that us Broncos fans have it pretty good. Wanna know how good? Well, read these rankings…

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/17759755/nfl-2016-week-6-power-rankings-minnesota-vikings-new-england-patriots-pittsburgh-steelers

…and then read our ramblings and find out.

  1. Minnesota Vikings, 5-0 (Last ranked 5) Kevin – The Vikings are number one a week after Jesse complained about the Vikings’ lack of respect. Maybe I should have Jesse write a column about my lack of a promotion at work and see if his magic works.
  2. New England Patriots, 4-1 (LR: 4) Jesse – Can they start booking some more challenging opponents for Tom Brady’s Revenge Tour? Or maybe make the Pats play a team that doesn’t reside in Ohio?
  3. Pittsburgh Steelers, 4-1 (LR: 3) Kevin – Crushing the Chiefs and the Jets is making everyone forget that the Steelers got blown out by the Eagles. Except me. I will never forget.
  4. Denver Broncos, 4-2 (LR: 1) Jesse – The good news about the Broncos being 4-2? ESPN will probably drop them out of the top 10 and they’ll be underdogs again. They play better that way.
  5. Seattle Seahawks, 3-1 (LR: 2) Kevin – The Seahawks must have looked terrible during their bye week because ESPN dropped them three spots! “The Seahawks took a week off in the middle of the season, they obviously aren’t taking things seriously.”
  6. Atlanta Falcons, 4-1 (LR: 8) Jesse – At this point, the Falcons would really have to implode to not win the NFC South. Of course, they started 5-0 last year and look what happened. You never know.
  7. Dallas Cowboys, 4-1 (LR: 11) Kevin – How are there so many teams with only one loss? And how did ESPN differentiate between them? Coin flips?
  8. Cincinnati Bengals, 2-3 (LR: 10) Jesse – Alright, really? Cincinnati in the top 10? Maybe if it’s the top 10 teams in bungles. Am I right?!
  9. Green Bay Packers, 3-1 (LR: 6) Kevin – The Packers beat the Giants without an issue and yet they got dropped three spots. Meanwhile the Bengals lost to the Cowboys and they moved up two spots! Coin flips!
  10. Arizona Cardinals, 2-3 (LR: 17) Jesse – Another 2-3 team in the top 10? Man the NFL sucks this year.
  11. Philadelphia Eagles, 3-1 (LR: 7) Kevin – “…a one-point road loss is nothing to stress over”. Again let me repeat the quote from ESPN, “…a one-point road loss is nothing to stress over”. But it’s enough to drop them four spots! That sounds stressful to me.
  12. Oakland Raiders, 4-1 (LR: 9) Jesse – The Raiders’ offense is legit, there’s no doubt about that. But that defense has given up the most yards in the league, which means that when the Broncos play them they might actually be able to move the ball.
  13. Carolina Panthers, 1-4 (LR: 15) Kevin – ESPN provided my favorite stat of the season, “According to Elias Sports, they are the first team to start 1-4 or worse after appearing in the Super Bowl since … the 2004 Panthers (who started 1-4)” and yet left them in the top 15.
  14. Baltimore Ravens, 3-2 (LR: 14) Jesse – Don’t worry Ravens, a former head coach of the Lions is just the guy to fix your offense. Because those guys are always legit, right?
  15. Kansas City Chiefs, 2-2 (LR: 18) Kevin – That was a hell of a bye week for the Chiefs. After getting blown out by the Steelers they really turned it around by not losing by 29 points in their bye week. Good job, here’s three spots to move you up.
  16. Buffalo Bills, 3-2 (LR: 20) Jesse – Rex Ryan being 3-2 is truly a miracle. Not the good kind of miracle, because if he keeps winning then the Bills will keep him around as head coach. Sorry, Bills fans.
  17. New York Giants, 2-3 (LR: 12) Kevin – Back-to-back road losses to the Vikings and Packers? I think that’s excusable. 17th feels about right for the team.
  18. Houston Texans, 3-2 (LR: 13) Jesse – When you spend $70 million on a quarterback, the last thing you want to be talking about is your offensive failings.
  19. Los Angeles Rams, 3-2 (LR: 16) Kevin – If the Rams lose this week Jeff Fisher falls to 3-3 for the fourth time in the last five seasons. I think I just gave you a reason to root against the Rams.
  20. Detroit Lions, 2-3 (LR: 25) Jesse – First Detroit ruins our chance to see the Bears go winless for an entire season, then they upset the Eagles the following week. This team doesn’t give a crap about us or our wants and needs.
  21. Indianapolis Colts, 2-3 (LR: 26) Kevin – Hey the Colts beat the Bears. 9 years ago that was the super bowl. This year it gets you five spots in the rankings.
  22. Washington Redskins, 3-2 (LR: 19) Jesse – Good ol’ Jay Gruden has his team on a three-game winning streak, and yet they still drop in the power rankings. Maybe ESPN wants them to change their team name, too?
  23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2-3 (LR: 29) Kevin – Beating a Derek Anderson led Panthers team jumps you six spots. Good to know.
  24. San Diego Chargers, 2-4 (LR: 22) Jesse – Enjoy your win San Diego. We’ll see you again in two weeks.
  25. New Orleans Saints, 1-3 (LR: 24) Kevin – And so starts the murderers row of teams with 1 win. It’s about to get ugly folks.
  26. Tennessee Titans, 2-3 (LR: 27) Jesse – I mean, the Titans have two wins but ESPN treats them like they only have one. The Titans are the kid that can’t please their parents no matter how hard they try.
  27. New York Jets, 1-4 (LR: 21) Kevin – The Jets’ four losses have come against 2015 playoff teams. FYI they have another 2015 playoff team opponent in Arizona on Monday.
  28. Chicago Bears, 1-4 (LR: 28) Jesse – Nice to see your holding down the 28th spot, Bears. Other teams like to switch things up from time to time, but not you guys. Keep doing what you do.
  29. Miami Dolphins, 1-4 (LR: 30) Kevin – I once met a Dolphins fan. In fact it was during week 1 of this season. I haven’t seen him since. I bet it’s because he went into hiding.
  30. Jacksonville Jaguars, 1-3 (LR: 23) Jesse – I was pretty sure that Josh McDaniels would be the coach of the Jaguars in 2017, but after seeing what the Falcons did to our defense last week, I’m thinking it might be Kyle Shanahan now. Either choice would provide plenty of cannon fodder for us.
  31. San Francisco 49ers, 1-4 (LR: 31) Kevin – I think there should be a rule, if the 49ers are ever 4-9 after 13 games they have to stop playing the rest of the season and forfeit the games. And then the next season everyone has to call them the four and niners.
  32. Cleveland Browns, 0-5 (LR: 32) Jesse – I hope you’re enjoying your great baseball team, just like you fully enjoyed your great basketball team, Cleveland. Right?

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