Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead Death Rankings!
Well hot damn that season premiere was a real kick in the nuts right? Instead dragging out the drama any further let’s get into this week’s rankings and reactions!
(Remember, every week Jesse and Kevin will provide rankings based on who they think will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. They get points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then I will have four points and Jesse will have two points.)
Click here to catch up on our previous hilarious insights.
Click below to see our score. Warning: TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
Jesse 39 Kevin 39
Yes, after all that Jesse and I tied. We both had Abraham and Glenn as our most likely to die. Neither of us thought both would die. Damn that was brutal.
- Judith- Good thing Judith wasn’t there with Rick and the group. She would’ve seen her dad nearly chop off her brother’s arm and been frightened to death.Her first steps would have been to get the hell away from Rick.
- Morgan- Seriously Morgan, you missed a hell of a day. Can you imagine if Morgan would have seen that? He definitely would drop his Batman-esque no killing rule right?
- Enid- You’re stuck in a closet. You’re boyfriend almost lost his arm. I guess the honeymoon is over.
- Rick- I’m not sure how much blame Rick should get in this situation. What could he have done to avoid this situation? Not killed Negan’s people? But was that ever really a choice? It seems like Rick just ran into a really bad man.
- Jesus- Remember that time Jesus came to the people and then left and was never seen again?
- Tara- Normally I never want to see Tara in any scene or episode. But I am making an exception to this rule. I wish she would have been with the Negan group so badly. Why? Because I would have loved to seen Rick’s flashbacks of Tara. Remember when Negan was getting ready to kill someone and Rick was seeing quick memories of everyone? What would Tara’s have looked like? Has he ever interacted with her on any level? I’m pretty sure the camera would have panned on Tara and a flashback would start but there would be no scene. And then the camera would pan to Rick’s confused face as he desperately tries to remember anything about Tara.
- Carl- Can we get a tiny bit more emotion out of Carl? Like a single tear? Give me a single tear when you watch two of the people you love get their heads bashed in. Or maybe a tear when your dad is put into a Sophie’s Choice moment and you’re about to lose your left arm? No? Just a monotone expression for everything? K.
- Maggie- I’m pretty grateful the writers didn’t beat a pregnant lady to death. I’m not sure I could have handled that to be honest. But now Maggie is in a terrible spot. She’s sick, with child and without a husband. Damn.
- Rosita- How awkward is Abe’s death for Rosita? The only person to comfort her was Sasha, the woman that Abe left Rosita for. Ouch.
- Michonne- With Abe and Glenn dead and Daryl taken away from the group, that leaves Michonne as the only real muscle in this group until Carol gets back.
- Negan- Hot damn, last week I threw Negan a bone and stated he was being pretty fair about the whole situation. But after watching that I believe The Walking Dead has finally found a truly terrifying villain.
- Daryl- If I wanted to weaken Rick’s group by killing off two members I would narrow it down to Daryl, Michonne, Abe and Glenn. By killing off the latter two and taking away Daryl, Negan has really handicapped this group. They’re going to need reinforcements.
- Eugene- I was really hoping Eugene was going to go last episode. Not because I hate him, I actually find him entertaining in an under-the-radar sense. But I thought his story had a great end. He faced his fears, earned Abe’s respect and was going to leave a legacy. Then again, I always had a theory that Abe was just a figment of Eugene’s imagination. I though Eugene thought of himself as an Abe like protector and killer but was stuck in his nerdy body so he created Abe to help him survive. So, if this theory is true (it’s not), that could mean Abe didn’t die at all because he never existed. And now Eugene is truly ready to step up in Abe’s place! Okay, I’m crazy.
- Carol- It’s a damn good thing Carol wasn’t with the Negan group. She would have pulled a Katniss Everdeen and volunteered as a tribute.
- Aaron- I really thought Aaron was meant to sacrifice himself for Maggie/Glenn/their baby at some point. I guess it could happen but it seems less likely now.
- Sasha- Remember when Sasha started crushing on Bob and then Bob died pretty soon after? And remember when Sasha started crushing on Abe and Abe died pretty soon after? Love hurts.
- Father Gabriel- Gabriel is like the guy who can’t do anything right so you leave him with a really simple task and build him up so he feels important. “Okay Gabe, I need you to stay here, behind these 20 feet high walls and with the safety of all the townspeople and all the weapons you could need. I need you to sit here and watch this baby okay? You’re doing a great job pal”. Naturally he’s going to screw it up.
- Gregory- Every week I go back and forth trying to decide if I should include Greg in these rankings. And every week I regret my decision either way.
RIP Abraham- Abraham took it like a champ and told Negan to lick his nuts. He truly went out the way he wanted. And the group will miss his strength and his strategic intelligence. The audience will miss his…unique…ways with words. But most of all, Jesse will miss making his weekly wrestling joke. We will miss you Abe.
RIP Glenn- Hey wait, didn’t we already write an obituary for Glenn? Is this deja vu? Oh that’s right, the writer’s killed him off once, only to bring him back to kill him off again. That was a great use of time. Anyway we all suspected Glenn to die mostly because the comic nerds couldn’t keep their mouths shut. But I give credit to the writers for throwing us the curveball of Abraham’s death happening before Glenn’s. Well done, I was legitimately shocked. Glenn, you were one of the originals and while you weren’t always used properly in the later seasons, you will be missed.
- Judith- Question – Poor Judith. She’ll never get to know Uncle Glenn. Or Uncle Abe. Uncle Abe would’ve been fun to get in trouble with.
- Rick- Man, when is Rick gonna learn? If you really want to kill someone, pretend you’re not at all a threat and then kill them when they’re not expecting it. Carol mastered that art, but Rick is still working his way through the beginner’s program.
- Daryl- Some people blamed Daryl for Glenn getting killed. I don’t know. Negan probably would’ve killed him anyway. Hopefully Negan doesn’t go all Ramsey Bolton on Daryl now.
- John Connor Carl- First John Connor almost loses an eye, then half of his arm. Hey man, if you want to lead the human resistance when you’re all grown up, you got to have some scars, am I right?
- Tara- Are we positive that Tara isn’t dead? Because I’m not sure. I can’t remember the last time I saw her. Of course, I can barely remember what I had for breakfast yesterday. I think it was Raisin Bran.
- Morgan- So Morgan just went from being one of the first guys off the bench to the starting lineup. The problem is that he hates killing people and may not be up for the challenge. Gonna be an interesting season. Of course, he has to join up with the others first.
- Maggie- I’m sorry Maggie. I don’t really know what else to say.
- Enid- Pretty sure Enid is still in the closet. Gabe needs to get her a sandwich and a glass of water or something.
- Gregory- So if this group was an NBA team, right now the starting five is Rick, Carl, Michonne, Morgan and Carol. Except Carol is injured, Morgan is helping her and Maggie can’t sub because she’s in labor, so that probably means Aaron and Sasha have to jump in. That leaves Gregory as one of the first guys off the bench right now, which is sort of terrifying if it’s a clutch situation. Coach Pop could figure this out and be fine, but otherwise that’s pretty scary.
- Negan- Alright, Negan killed one of our favorite characters and one guy who we put up with. That should make us hate him, but man I just can’t do it. He’s already the best villain the show has ever had and he’s only been in two episodes. Plus, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is just too cool. Sue me. I like Negan.
- Father Gabriel- Start warming up Gabe. You’re up pretty soon.
- Carol- If there was ever a time for Carol to be a badass again, that time is now.
- Michonne- Michonne is lucky that Negan didn’t know who Rick was banging. He would’ve definitely killed her to break Rick even further.
- Jesus- Damit Jesus, you’re supposed to make the save before something truly terrible happens to anyone. Don’t you ever watch wrestling?
- Rosita- I actually feel bad for you. Except then I remember that Abe was leaving anyway and had already broken your heart, so idk why you’re so upset. Girls are weird.
- Aaron- I always thought that Kevin’s theory that Aaron would give his life for Glenn and Maggie was pretty on the money. I guess now he’s just gonna save Maggie? Except now he probably won’t even get to have the kid named after him. Lame.
- Eugene- Again, idk why Eugene was upset about Abe. The guy was always a dick to him. Sure, he tricked Abe into thinking he could stop the apocalypse, but still.
- Sasha- I liked how Sasha tried to comfort Rosita. Talk about awkward.
RIP Abraham – Well, I figured you were gonna be the one to bite it. I will miss you mainly because I can no longer make wrestling jokes at your expense. And losing you was a pretty big blow to the group, which Negan knew. Thanks for the humor your provided me with, Sheamus. I’ll see you on Monday Night Raw.
RIP Glenn – Oh boy. I really didn’t think they were gonna do it. I mean I didn’t know that Negan kills Glenn in the comics, so maybe that had something to do with it, but that isn’t why. The real reason is because they already teased your death last year, brought you back and I just didn’t believe they would kill you off so soon. But it’s not just that you died. That sucked but the way you died was just… disturbing beyond belief. I’ve seen a lot of terrible shit on this show and I’m pretty numb to any discomfort while I’m watching. Your death was by far the worst thing I’ve seen, so much so that I don’t know if I can even watch that episode again. You’ve been around a long time Glenn and I’ll miss you. Thanks for riding it out for this long.