Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead Death Rankings!
(Remember, every week Jesse and Kevin will provide rankings based on who they think will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. They get points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then I will have four points and Jesse will have two points.)
Click here to catch up on our previous hilarious insights.
Click below to see our score. Warning: TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
Jesse 44 Kevin
39 44: I, Kevin, get 5 points for being closest in Walker Deaths. Last week I went with 7 while Jesse went with 15. Unfortunately I failed to count how many walkers died so we just estimated 10 because there is no way in hell I will ever rewatch a Tara dedicated episode.
Walker Deaths- 17 because I asked my wife to pick a number between 1 and 20.
- Judith- I briefly considered ranking everyone in order of who deserves a standalone episode more than Tara. Even an episode of Judith sitting in her crib would have been palatable.
- Rick- This season has been introducing us to different camps that are under the control of the Saviors. I assume these camps will work with Rick’s group to overthrow Negan’s control. I also assume this won’t happen until season 8 episode 20. So buckle in.
- Tara- I’m going to do what the Walking Dead should have done with Tara. I’m going to ignore her.
- King Ezekiel- Hey can we please get back to the Shakespearian man with a tiger as a pet? I mean if anyone deserves a standalone episode…
- Negan- Are we going to get a Negan backstory episode? Please? I’ll kneel and say my name is Negan if that’s what it takes.
- Daryl- Previously I thought my least favorite thing about this show was everyone’s obsession over the mute that we call Daryl. I was wrong. My least favorite thing puts the Tara in Terrible.
- Dwight- I had to stare at this name for 5 minutes to remember who it was. I couldn’t get the image of Dwight from The Office out of my head. Now that’s a crossover I want to see. The Office set in The Walking Dead universe.
- Rosita– Jesse sent me a picture of a Rosita action figure. Yes, a Rosita action figure exists. I think the pop culture toys for adults bubble is about to pop. We’ve pushed it too far.
- Father Gabriel
Walker deaths- 23. Why 23, you say? Because at this point, it’s 23 days til Christmas and it’s the most wonderful time of the year.
- Rick- I know we rag on Rick a lot around here, but truth be told I actually miss him in the episodes that he hasn’t been in. Which has been most of the episodes this season.
- Daryl- Also, when was the last time that Daryl got to kill anything or do Daryl things? Man I hate this season.
- John Connor Carl- Carl has unwittingly found himself accepting Jesus as his guide to take down the Saviors. Oh yeah, I went there.
- Tara- Oh boy. Where do I even begin? I recently ripped The Walking Dead for its overreliance on these spin-off episodes that feature just a single character or a particular location. Not all of these episodes are bad. I highlighted two that have featured Morgan as being prime examples of how effective this type of storytelling can be. However, far too often we spend an hour on a storyline that has little to no effect on the major dramatic question, or even worse, on a character who we’ve never had a reason to give a crap about. Take Tara, for instance. We’ve made a lot of jokes at her expense because we quite literally had no idea where she was or what she was doing. The reason for this (besides the show not telling us where she was until now) is that there’s nothing about her as a character that is notable. Her one quality that stands out is that she’s a lesbian, and that really just feels like something they threw in to try and make her unique because they were too lazy to actually take the time to develop her personality and characteristics. Her being a lesbian doesn’t make her a stronger or weaker character. Omar Little was gay, but it was his clearly defined moral code and his sharp wit that made him one of The Wire’s most memorable characters. And to be honest, this episode did nothing to change her character or advance the main storyline, except to reaffirm the fact that the Saviors are dicks and everyone is afraid of them. I could keep going here, but the point is that episodes like this are starting to wear on Kevin and I. For every standalone episode that blows us away, there are four or five that make us wonder why we are still watching this show.
- Morgan- I’m really glad they added Lennie James to the main cast so they could use him once every eight episodes.
- King Ezekiel- Boy that Zeke is something else, huh? He’s carried the Cowboys running game and my fantasy team all season. Oh wait, wrong rankings. Um, King Zeke is the one with the tiger, right?
- Negan- This is a good time to plug Dave Chappelle’s Walking Dead spoof. It’s something that everyone should see.
- Father Gabriel-
- Carol- You think Carol has bonded with the tiger yet? Or made peace with Morgan and friends with Zeke? They probably won’t show us til next year so I figured I should go ahead and ask you guys.
- Jesus- Let’s have a spinoff episode where Jesus hosts an episode of “Jesus and Pals.” That would at least be funny.
- Simon- Did Simon tell anyone to go f**k themselves yet? No? Well then there’s nothing to see here.
- Spencer –