Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead Death Rankings!
(Remember, every week Jesse and Kevin will provide rankings based on who they think will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. They get points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then I will have four points and Jesse will have two points.)
Click here to catch up on our previous hilarious insights.
Click below to see our score. Warning: TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
Jesse 44 Kevin 44 49: Kevin gets 5 points because I’m pretty sure there was only two walker kills because this show stopped being about zombies 5 years ago.
- Judith- Most viewers probably felt a bit sick seeing Negan holding Judith. Not me, I was happy she was finally getting some parental love. Can you imagine how crazy this kid is going to be? Lori and Shane’s genes mixed with Rick and Negan taking turns raising her? Eek.
- Jesus- There was a scene where Jesus was on top of the van that Negan was leaving in. And then all of a sudden he wasn’t on top of it. First of all, why was he on top of that van? What prompted that decision? He had jumped off the previous car and walked to the Savior’s camp so it’s not like he came in the camp on top of the van. So he must have walked into the Savior’s camp, climbed on top of the van and then jumped off when the van started to move. Because, reasons!
- King Ezekiel
- Michonne- Since I already bitched about story logic in Jesus’ section allow me to continue here. Michonne’s plan was, gather a bunch of Walker bodies and block a part of the road. Then when one of Negan’s hench people approach it, jump out and attack them and make them take you to Negan. But here’s the flaw, Michonne got the idea from Negan himself! That trick was used on Michonne’s group. So don’t you think Negan’s hench lady would see the obvious trap and not step out of the car? Come on writers, think of a new trick.
- Negan- Yes, this episode was drawn out and had lots of questionable logic. But at least it was an episode mostly dedicated to Negan’s crooked sense of humor and not Tara’s groan worthy sense of humor.
- Daryl- He speaks! Daryl said like 6 words this week! Maybe instead of guessing how many walkers will die in an episode we should guess how many words Daryl will say. The over/under this week is 8.
- Eugene- I’ll admit, I’ve never made a bullet. Hell I haven’t even watched a “How to make a bullet” video on youtube. But I would imagine if you put in all the work to make one bullet you might as well make another one. Or hell, another ten. I might what else does Eugene have to do?
- Carl- Is this the start of Carl going to the dark side a la Anakin Skywalker? I wonder what his thoughts are on sand.
- Rosita– She spoke for the whole fanbase when she yelled at Eugene to shut up and do something already. Thanks girl.
- Father Gabriel- “It doesn’t make you a sinner but it does make you a tremoundous shit”. Holy crap. What a line. Father Gabriel was so pumped by his own diss he got out of the car and starting walking away! He dropped the mic, flipped the bat, and gave Spencer the middle finger while everyone in the world said, “oooooooh burn”. Beautiful.
- Spencer- What’s more illogical? Spencer reacting to Gabriel’s burn by RUNNING INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE FORREST FOR NO APPARENT REASON, only to find a walker chilling in some sort of contraption? Or that this walker would have a list detailing out his secret stash in latin and Spencer would happen to know how to read latin? Are we even trying here anymore? Or can we all go home?
Walker deaths- 0. Unless you are asking me about White Walker deaths, which would be much trickier to predict. Doesn’t that sound like fun, Kevin?
- Judith- Holy crap, look at how much hair Judith has! She’s starting to look like a real person!
- Rick- Rick is the guy at the office who always screws up his deadlines. Things are never done when they’re supposed to be. Negan always shows up for supplies before Rick expects him to. I wouldn’t want to sit in on that performance review.
- John Connor Carl- Carl: “I wish my dad was as interesting as Negan.”
- Daryl- Carl: “I’m thinking of staying at Negan’s place for awhile.” Daryl: “Nah, it sucks. Unless you like dog food and gray sweaters.”
- Dwight- Man, nothing says do what I say like an iron to the face, huh Dwight?
- King Ezekiel-
- Negan- In case you didn’t remember that Carl only has one eye and sucks at darts, Negan refreshed your memory by making fun of Carl’s eye and then kicking his ass at darts. Just so you know that Carl only has ONE FREAKING EYE.
- Father Gabriel- Damn. Talk about a mic drop. Where has THAT Gabe been this whole time? He must’ve been practicing his promo skills with the Rock.
- Jesus- Oh nice, Jesus is back, he’s taking control over Gregory, gonna help kill Negan AND HE’S GONE! Never to be seen again (until next year).
- Rosita- The only reason you’d ask for one bullet is if it’s for the Golden Gun, and you won’t need more than one to kill someone. Missed the head shot and winged Negan in the arm? No problem, he’s still going to die. You don’t have a Golden Gun, do you Rosita? I didn’t think so.
- Aaron- As I was watching Dead earlier, I sent Kevin a text saying “Spencer lives!” I just now realized that I was really talking about Aaron and sent Kevin the wrong name. Not that either of those characters are worth getting excited about.
- Eugene- I agree with Kevin. Why not just be making bullets all the time and stashing them? What else do you have to do Eugene? Stop being so lazy!
- Spencer – You know Spencer is a shitty character when Gabe of all people is putting him down. You know that the writers have no idea what to do with him when he runs into the woods and somehow is able to decipher a foreign transcript and then find a bunch of stuff. If you guys ask us to switch to Game of Thrones rankings, Kevin can’t say no. Please help me!