In case you haven’t heard, I’m a hardcore Survivor fan. Which means All-Star versions of my favorite show are simultaneously the greatest and worst thing I can imagine. Jeff Varner put it best:
On the immunity challenge, “Yeah that challenge was hell. I was in hell.”
Cuts to Varner confessional, “I am in HEAVEN right now.”
That simple back and forth was a great summation of how I was feeling for the two hour premiere last week.
Best fangirl voice, “OMG SANDRA AND TONY WORKING TOGETHER!!!! I’m in heaven right now!”
Best horror girl voice, “NO! WHY ARE YOU TWO FIGHTING? WINNERS DON’T FIGHT! STOP IT! I’m in hell!”
Yeah…I really get into this stuff.
Take a jump with me and I will take you into the Survivor future and I’ll tell you all about goats, meat shields and killing chickens.
As I slowly sift through all the amazing (and overwhelming) preseason content for Survivor: Game Changers (the 34th season of the popular reality show) I realize something about my fandom. I’m obsessed with this show. It’s my favorite form of entertainment without a doubt. I listen to podcasts and I follow multiple Survivor writers. Which means when they do an All-Star season (only the 4th All-Star in their history) I like to bathe myself in all of the pregame content. Why? Because it is pure fan service for us hardcore fans. We have obsessed about these people for years and years. We know way too much about them. We have replayed their best moves in our minds like a basketball junkie would replay everything Lebron James does. This is like the NBA All-Star game and the Pro Bowl all in one, except with a major difference, these players care about this game. This game will change some of their lives and legacies.
And to be honest, these All-Star type seasons are best when you know every detail about the players. That’s because there is a high sense of surrealism to the idea that a person from Season 2 is playing with people from Season 33. It doesn’t make sense, it shouldn’t be happening and we should feel absolutely spoiled that it is. But I can’t help to wonder how a “casual” fan will enjoy a season full of people they either don’t remember or never saw play in the first place. And that’s why I am here today.
I want to take new fans, casual fans and any other type of fan into my world of hardcore fanship. I want to set your plate for why you should be excited for this season. I want to help you differentiate between these players so you can decide who you want to root for without feeling left behind. But I will warn you, there are huge spoilers below. This cast has players from 18 of the 34 seasons including three winners. Then again if you are planning to watch this season you will run into these spoilers anyway. But I wanted to give fair warning.
Take a jump with me for a deep dive into who is playing and my predictions for season 34 of Survivor. Continue reading
Come on in guys for my Survivor: Millennials vs Gen X Episode 4 review where I use classic Survivor quotes to assess the latest episode.
Alright I know what you’re thinking, where the hell was last week’s episode recap? How the hell were you, my faithful readers, supposed to know what the hell was going on in this crazy game of Survivor without my expertise? Well I have plenty of excuses. I was leading a goat hunt. Don’t believe that? Fine, I was being a dictator at work and telling everyone what to do. Still no? Okay I was definitely spending all my time thinking about how to solve a word puzzle like the dirty millennial I am.
Okay throw your seashell in the bush and take a jump with me as I lay out all the bad, poor and questionable strategy from the last episode. Spoilers below.
Come on in guys for my Survivor Millennials vs Gen X Episode 2 review where I use classic Survivor quotes to assess the latest episode.
Wow, what an episode of Survivor that was. I almost watched it twice but then my sick wife glared at me and I decided once was enough…for now.
We have a lot to digest this week so keep eating your sugar cane and take a jump with me. Spoilers below.
Come on in guys for my Survivor Kaoh Rong Episode 8 review where I use classic Survivor quotes to assess the latest episode.
I must apologize for the late update and for pull a Joe (disappearing) for Episode 7’s
boring sad episode. But I am back and so are you! And so is another episode of Survivor so let’s get it started.
Alright click below before I start talking to buddha. Spoilers below.
Come on in guys for my Survivor Kaoh Rong Episode 6 review where I use classic Survivor quotes to assess the latest episode.
People are often perplexed about my love for Survivor. They think this makes me a strange, reality TV obsessed, obnoxious and terrible person. They don’t respect the show as real TV entertainment, instead they believe it to be dramatic garbage that isn’t worth anyone’s time or brain cells. Obviously these people are wrong and I’m going to use this most recent episode as an example that this show has real character driven depth.
Survivor is a massive beast to edit. You have 24 hours of 39 days recorded by numerous cameraman, catching every little conversation that is going on between 18 ish players. That’s nearly 1000 hours of footage that they need to whittle down to about 14 hours of entertainment. Talk about an overwhelming job.
Which makes this last episode even more amazing. Through the first five episodes of the season we were given three very strong and important characters in Tai, Debbie and Jason. They had the most confessionals and seemed to be having the largest impact on the game. This last episode the editors seemingly turn it over to their JV squad. We learned a lot about Nick, Michele, Julia and Aubry, players that were invisible as of last week. And they managed to make them entertaining and compelling television. Now going into a presumed merge next week, we have mostly fleshed out characters in everyone besides maybe Joe. This isn’t reality TV garbage, this is damn good storytelling.
Alright click below to continue reading and I promise to tell you about my modeling days. Spoilers below.
Come on in guys for my Survivor Kaoh Rong Episode 5 review where I use classic Survivor quotes to assess the latest episode.
Ahh I love the smell of a tribe swap. It switches things up nicely and makes the post merge game more unpredictable. Plus it gave us a great episode strategy wise. Don’t mind me as I nerd out about all the great strategy moves from this week.
Alright drop your buffs and click below to read my analysis of the episode. Spoilers below.